Why is there this everlasting craving to be loved?

Why is there this everlasting craving to be loved? Listen carefully. You want to be loved because you do not love; but the moment you love, it is finished, you are no longer inquiring whether or not somebody loves you. As long as you demand to be loved, there is no love in you; and if you feel no love, you are ugly, brutish, so why should you be loved? Without love you are a dead thing; and when the dead thing asks for love, it is still dead. Whereas, if your heart is full of love, then you never ask to be loved, you never put out your begging bowl for someone to fill it. It is only the empty who ask to be filled, and an empty heart can never be filled by running after gurus or seeking love in a hundred other ways.


J. Krishnamurti Think On These Things

Awareness

Awareness is from moment to moment, it is not the cumulative effect of selfprotective memories. Awareness is not determination nor is it the action of will. Awareness is the complete and unconditional surrender to what is, without rationalization, without the division of the observer and the observed. As awareness is non-accumulative, non-residual, it does not build up the self, positively or negatively. Awareness is ever in the present and so, non-identifying and nonrepetitive; nor does it create habit. Take, for instance, the habit of smoking and experiment with it in awareness. Be aware of smoking, do not condemn, rationalize or accept, simply be aware. If you are so aware there is the cessation of the habit; if you are so aware there will be no recurrence of it but if you are not aware the habit will persist. This awareness is not the determination to cease or to indulge. Be aware; there is a fundamental difference between being and becoming. To become aware you make effort and effort implies resistance and time, and leads to conflict. If you are aware in the moment there is no effort, no continuance of the self-protective intelligence. You are aware or you are not; the desire to be aware is only the activity of the sleeper, the dreamer. Awareness reveals the problem completely, fully, without denial or acceptance, justification or identification, and it is freedom which quickens understanding. Awareness is a unitary process of the observer and the observed. 

 J. Krishnamurti The Collected Works Volume IV Ojai 4th Public Talk 1946

Indifference and understanding

One has to be indifferent – to health, to loneliness, to what people say or do not say, indifferent to whether one succeeds or does not succeed, indifferent to authority. If you hear somebody shooting, making a lot of noise with a gun, you can very easily get used to it, and you turn a deaf ear; that is not indifference. Indifference comes into being when you listen to that noise with no resistance, go with that noise, ride on that noise infinitely. Then that noise does not affect you, does not pervert you, does not make you  indifferent. Then you listen to every noise in the world – the noise of your children, of your wife, of the birds, the noise of the chatter the politicians make. You listen to it completely with indifference and therefore with understanding. 

-from On Living and Dying, pg. 99 J.Krishnamurti

Robert Adams on Worship of God with Form.

Question : Robert, do you think worshipping God impedes Realization?

Robert: On the contrary! Worshipping God makes you Pure. It makes you pure enough so that you can follow the I back to the Source. Whereas if you did not worship God, you would just 'know' everything intellectually, and you would have a hard heart. Worshipping God softens you up, makes ou mellow, kind causes you to become One Pointed, and lifts you higher.

So by all means worshipping God is good. But what kind of God will you worship? Worshipping God in the form of a satguru, Buddha or Christ whichever, is even better. For if you worship God without form, the energy is not as strong. For what kind of God are you worshipping? An invisible God that has no form, no shape. Therefore you have doubts. You are not too sure. (laughter) And the energy you send out is not that strong. But, when you worship God as form, you can give that God all of your energy Totally surrender to that particular deity. That is the purpose of worship. To finally totally Surrender you ego, your pride, your body, your affairs, your life, to that Deity. Dialogue Continued in Silence of the Heart p 172

Virtue is its own reward

There is only one Self. What you feel toward somebody else, you are feeling toward yourself. What you do to anybody else you are doing to yourself. If you help somebody else, you are helping yourself, and if you hurt somebody else, you are hurting yourself.

What your body does is karmic. It has nothing to do with you. When you realize, "I am not the body, I am not the mind, and I am not the doer," then you are safe. But as long as you think you are doing something kind for somebody, then you want a reward, you want recognition. But when you know there is only one Self, you are automatically kind to everybody. Virtue is its own reward.

-Robert Adams-

Self-interest decays the mind

WINDING FROM ONE side of the valley to the other, the path crossed over a small bridge where the swiftly-running water was brown from the recent rains. Turning north, it led on over gentle slopes to a secluded village. That village and its people were very poor. The dogs were mangy, and they would bark from a distance never venturing near, their tails down, their heads held high, ready to run. Many goats were scattered about on the hillside, bleating, and eating the wild bushes. It was beautiful country, green, with blue hills. The bare granite projecting from the tops of the hills had been washed by the rains of countless centuries. These hills were not high, but they were very old, and against the blue sky they had a fantastic beauty, that strange loveliness of measureless time. They were like the temples that man builds to resemble them, in his longing to reach the heavens. But that evening, with the setting sun on them, these hills seemed very close. Far to the south a storm was gathering, and the lightning among the clouds gave a strange feeling to the land. The storm would break during the night; but the hills had stood through the storms of untold ages, and they would always be there, beyond all the toil and sorrow of man.

The villagers were returning to their homes, weary after a day's work in the fields. Soon you would see smoke rising from their huts as they prepared the evening meal. It wouldn't be much; and the children, waiting for their meal, would smile as you went by. They were large-eyed and shy of strangers, but they were friendly. Two little girls held small babies on their hips while their mothers were cooking; the babies would slip down, and get jerked up onto the hips again. Though only ten or twelve years old, these little girls were already used to holding babies; and they both smiled. The evening breeze was among the trees, and the cattle were being brought in for the night.

On that path there was now no other person, not even a lonely villagers The earth seemed suddenly empty, strangely quiet. The new, young moon was just over the dark hills. The breeze had stopped, not a leaf was stirring; everything was still, and the mind was completely alone. It wasn't lonely, isolated, enclosed within its own thought, but alone, untouched, uncontaminated. It wasn't aloof and distant, apart from the things of the earth. It was alone, and yet with everything; because it was alone, everything was of it. That which is separate knows itself as being separated; but this aloneness knew no separation, no division. The trees, the stream, the villager calling in the distance, were all within this aloneness. It was not an identification with man, with the earth, for all identification had utterly vanished. In this aloneness, the sense of the passing of time had ceased.

There were three of them, a father, his son and a friends The father must have been in his late fifties, the son in his thirties, and the friend was of uncertain age. The two older men were bald, but the son still had plenty of hair. He had a well-shaped head, a rather short nose and wide-set eyes. His lips were restless, though he sat quietly enough. The father had seated himself behind his son and the friend, saying that he would take part in the talk if necessary, but otherwise would just watch and listen. A sparrow came to the open window and flew away again, frightened by so many people in the room. It knew that room, and would often perch on the window-sill, chirping softly, without fear.

"Though my father may not take part in the conversation," the son began, "he wants to be in on it, for the problem is one that concerns us all. My mother would have come had she not been feeling so unwell, and she is looking forward to the report we shall make to her. We have read some of the things you have said and my father particularly has followed your talks from afar; but it is only within the last year or so that I have myself taken a real interest in what you are saying. Until recently, politics have absorbed the greater part of my interest and enthusiasm; but I have begun to see the immaturity of politics. The religious life is only for the maturing mind, and not for politicians and lawyers. I have been a fairly successful lawyer, but am a lawyer no longer, as I want to spend the remaining years of my life in something vastly more significant and worth whiles I am speaking also for my friend, who wanted to accompany us when he heard we were coming here. You see, sir, our problem is the fact that we are all growing old. Even I, though still comparatively young, am coming to that period of life when time seems to fly, when one's days seem so short and death so near. Death, for the moment at least, is not a problem; but old age is."

What do you mean by old age? Are you referring to the aging of the physical organism, or of the mind?

"The aging of the body is of course inevitable, it wears out through use and disease. But need the mind age and deteriorate?"

To think speculatively is futile and a waste of time. Is the deterioration of the mind a supposition, or an actual fact?

"It is a fact, sir. I am aware that my mind is growing old, tired; slow deterioration is taking place."

Is this not also a problem with the young, though they may still be unaware of it? Their minds are even now set in a mould; their thought is already enclosed within a narrow pattern. But what do you mean when you say that your mind is growing old?

"It is not as pliable, as alert as sensitive as it used to be. Its awareness is shrinking; its responses to the many challenges of life are increasingly from the storage of the past. It's deteriorating, functioning more and more within the limits of its own setting."

Then what makes the mind deteriorate? It is self-protectiveness and resistance to change, is it not? Each one has a vested interest which he is consciously or unconsciously protecting, watching over, and not allowing anything to disturb.

"Do you mean a vested interest in property?"

Not only in property, but in relationships of every kind. Nothing can exist in isolation. Life is relationship; and the mind has a vested interest in its relationship to people, to ideas, and to things. This self-interest, and the refusal to bring about a fundamental revolution within itself, is the beginning of the mind's deterioration. Most minds are conservative, they resist changes Even the so-called revolutionary mind is conservative, for once it has gained its revolutionary success, it also resists change; the revolution itself becomes its vested interest. Even though the mind, whether it be conservative or so-called revolutionary, may permit certain modifications on the fringes of its activities, it resists all change at the centre. Circumstances may compel it to yield, to adapt itself, with pain or with ease, to a different pattern; but the centre remains hard, and it's this centre that causes the deterioration of the minds.

"What do you mean by the centre?"

Don't you know? Are you seeking a description of it?

"No, sir, but through the description I may touch it, get the feeling of it."

"Sir," put in the father, "we may intellectually be aware of that centre, but actually most of us have never come face to face with its I have myself seen it cunningly and subtly described in various books, but I have never really confronted it; and when you ask if we know it, I for one can only say that I don't. I only know the descriptions of it."

"It is again our vested interest," added the friend, "our deep-rooted desire for security, that prevents us from knowing that centres I don't know my own son, though I have lived with him from infancy, and I know even less that which is much closer than my son. To know it one must look at it, observe it, listen to it, but I never do. I am always in a hurry; and when occasionally I do look at it, I am at odds with it."

We are talking of the aging, the deteriorating mind. The mind is ever building the pattern of its own certainty, the security of its own interests; the words, the form, the expression may vary from time to time, from culture to culture, but the centre of self-interest remains. It is this centre that causes the mind to deteriorate, however outwardly alert and active it may be. This centre is not a fixed point, but various points within the mind, and so it's the mind itself. Improvement of the mind, or moving from one centre to another, does not banish these centres; discipline, suppression or sublimation of one centre only establishes another in its place.

Now, what do we mean when we say we are alive?

"Ordinarily," replied the son, "we consider ourselves alive when we talk, when we laugh, when there's sensation, when there's thought, activity, conflict, joy."

So what we call living is acceptance or `revolt' within the social pattern; it's a movement within the cage of the mind. Our life is an endless series of pains and pleasures, fears and frustrations, wanting and graspings; and when we do consider the mind's deterioration, and ask whether it's possible to put an end to it, our inquiry is also within the cage of the mind. Is this living?

"I'm afraid we know no other life," said the father. "As we grow older, pleasures shrink while sorrows seem to increase; and if one is at all thoughtful, one is aware that one's mind is gradually deteriorating. The body inevitably grows old and knows decay; but how is one to prevent this aging of the mind?"

We lead a thoughtless life, and towards the end of it we begin to wonder why the mind decays, and how to arrest the process. Surely, what matters is how we live our days, not only when we are young, but also in middle life, and during the declining years. The right kind of life demands of us far more intelligence than any vocation for earning a livelihood. Right thinking is essential for right living.

"What do you mean by right thinking?" asked the friend.

There's a vast difference, surely, between right thinking and right thought. Right thinking is constant awareness; right thought, on the other hand, is either conformity to a pattern set by society, or a reaction against society. Right thought is static, it is a process of grouping together certain concepts, called ideals, and following them. Right thought inevitably builds up the authoritarian, hierarchical outlook and engenders respectability; whereas right thinking is awareness of the whole process of conformity, imitation acceptance, revolt. Right thinking, unlike right thought, is not a thing to be achieved; it arises spontaneously with self-knowledge, which is the perception of the ways of the self. Right thinking cannot be learnt from books, or from another; it comes through the mind's awareness of itself in the action of relationship. But there can be no understanding of this action as long as the mind justifies or condemns it. So, right thinking eliminates conflict and self-contradiction, which are the fundamental causes of the mind's deterioration.

"Is not conflict an essential part of life?" asked the son. "If we did not struggle, we would merely vegetate."

We think we are alive when we are caught up in the conflict of ambition, when we are driven by the compulsion of envy, when desire pushes us into action; but all this only leads to greater misery and confusion. Conflict increases self-centred activity, but the understanding of conflict comes about through right thinking.

"Unfortunately this process of struggle and misery, with some joy, is the only life we know," said the father. "There are intimations of another kind of life, but they are few and far between. To go beyond this mess and find that other life is ever the object of our search."

To search for what is beyond the actual is to be caught in illusion. Everyday existence, with its ambitions, envies, and so on, must be understood; but to understand it demands awareness right thinking. There's no right thinking when thought starts with an assumption, a bias. Setting out with a conclusion, or looking for a preconceived answer, puts an end to right thinking; in fact, there is then no thinking at all. So, right thinking is the foundation of righteousness.

"It seems to me," put in the son, "that at least one of the factors in this whole problem of the mind's deterioration is the question of right occupation."

What do you mean by right occupation?

"I have noticed, sir, that those who become wholly absorbed in some activity or profession soon forget themselves; they are too busy to think about themselves, which is a good thing."

But isn't such absorption an escape from oneself? And to escape from oneself is wrong occupation; it is corrupting, it breeds enmity, division, and so on. Right occupation comes through the right kind of education, and with the understanding of oneself. Haven't you noticed that whatever the activity or profession, the self consciously or unconsciously uses it as a means for its own gratification, for the fulfilment of its ambition, or for the achievement of success in terms of power?

"That is so, unfortunately. We seem to use everything we touch for our own advancement."

It is this self-interest, this constant self-advancement, that makes the mind petty; and though its activity be extensive, though it be occupied with politics science, art, research, or what you will, there is a narrowing down of thinking, a shallowness that brings about deterioration, decay. Only when there's understanding of the totality of the mind, the unconscious as well as the conscious, is there a possibility of the mind's regeneration.

"Worldliness is the curse of the modern generation," said the father. "It is carried away by the things of the world, and does not give thought to serious things."

This generation is like other generations. Worldly things are not merely refrigerators, silk shirts, airplanes, television sets, and so on; they include ideals, the seeking of power, whether personal or collective, and the desire to be secure, either in this world or the next. All this corrupts the mind and brings about its decay. The problem of deterioration is to be understood at the beginning, in one's youth, not at the period of physical decline.

"Does that mean there's no hope for us?"

Not at all. It's more arduous to stop the mind's deterioration at our age, that's all. To bring about a radical change in the ways of our life, there must be expanding awareness, and a great depth of feeling which is love. With love everything is possible.

Commentaries on Living Series III Chapter 30 'Self-interest Decays the Mind'

Self-interest

In this relationship called society, every human being is cutting himself off from another by his position, by his ambition, by his desire for fame, power, and so on; but he has to live in this brutal relationship with other men like himself, so the whole thing is glossed over and made respectable by pleasant-sounding words. In everyday life, each one is devoted to his own interests, though it may be in the name of the country, in the name of peace, or God, and so the isolating process goes on. One becomes aware of this whole process in the form of intense loneliness, a feeling of complete isolation. Thought, which has been giving all importance to itself, isolating itself as the `me', the ego, has finally come to the point of realizing that it's held in the prison of its own making.

Commentaries On Living Series III Aloneness Beyond Loneliness by Jiddu Krishnamurti

Paramacharya Stuns a Landowner!

Author: Sri Ramani Anna (in Tamil)
Source: Sakthi Vikatan issue dated Nov 05, 2006

A Citra full moon day, many years back. An abhiSekam was performed in a grand manner with mahAnyAsa rudra japam at Sri Mahalingaswami Temple, Tiruvidaimarudur. The person who conducted it with 11 Vedic pundits was the landowner Narayanaswami Iyer of Tiruvarur. The rudrAbhiSekam that started at eight in the morning came to a completion around one in the afternoon.

The landowner Narayanaswami Iyer was extremely devoted to Kanchi Maha SwamigaL. He decided 'thisrudrAbhiSeka prasAdam should be submitted to Periyavaa somehow.' He reverentially kept the prasAdam on a banana leaf and folded it inside a new silk cloth. That same evening, he boarded the Madurai Madras passenger train at Tiruvidaimarudur railway station. He got down at Chingleput station in the early morning, took a bus and arrived at Kanchipuram.

There was a large crowd at the maTham on that day. Finishing his bath and other chores, the landowner waited for Periyavaa's darshan. At about 12 o'clock in the noon, Maha SwamigaL came and sat down, after finishing his Chandramouleesvara puja. The crowd of devotees rushed forward. The landowner couldn't approach SwamigaL. He showed the prasAda bag and begged everyone, "All of you please make way! I have brought Tiruvidaimarudur Mahalingaswamy rudrAbhiSeka prasAdam for Periyavaa. I have to submit it to him."

No one seemed to make way. An employee of the maTham who saw the anxiety and haste of the landowner, created a trail for him among the people and brought Narayanaswami Iyer near PeriyavaL. When he saw PeriyavaL, the landowner became insensate, dropped down heavily for a prostration and got up. Maha SwamigaL looked at him raising his head. He raised his brows as if he inquired what the matter was.

With his hands shaking, the landowner babbled, unpacking the prasAdam bag, "prasAdam, prasAdu Periyavaa". "What prasAdam?" asked PeriyavaL and looked at him. In the meantime, the landowner managed to extract theprasAdam. He kept it on the cane plate found there and submitted it to PeriyavaL. On that plate were found in a small banana leaf, vibuti, kuN^kumam, sandal paste together with some bilva dalam, two parts of a broken coconut, and some poovan banana fruits.

Maha SwamigaL asked, "All these are prasAdam of which kSetra?" and looked at the landowner once again. The landowner calmed himself and said with humility, "Periyavaa! I performed the rudrAbhiSekam for Mahalingaswami at Tiruvidaimarudur yesterday. It was a large abhiSekam with mahAnyAsa rudra japam. This is that prasAdam. Since Periyavaa would be happy, I have rushed here to bring it, boarding a train; you must receive it and bless me."

Looking at that prasAda plate sharply for sometime, Periyavaa asked: "Narayanaswami! You are a big landowner yourself. Even then you performed this rudrAbhiSekam for Swami, teaming up with some other people to meet the expenses?"

The landowner replied, "No, Periyavaa! I performed it myself, out of my own expenses," stressing the 'myself' part a little.

PeriyavaL smiled to himself. He did not leave it at that. "So you did for for loka kSema at Madhyaarjuna kSetra", he added.

The landowner replied with some uncertainty, "No, Periyavaa! For the last two or three years there was no yield in my fields. Some fields were even barren. I checked up with Tiruvidaimarudur Muthu Josyar. He advised me, 'On aCitra full moon day perform rudrAbhiSekam for Mahalingaswami. That will give you an abundant yield!' Only on that belief I performed it, Periyavaa".

The prasAda that was kept before the sage remained untouched. AcharyaL did not accept it. Saying, "So it seems that you did not perform this act either for AtmArtam or for loka kSemArtam", he closed his eyes and dropped into meditation.

AcharyaL opened his eyes after fifteen minutes. There was such a clarity in his face! And a knowing look of having understood many things within those fifteen minutes. Everyone around was very quiet. SwamigaL continued, "Alright... How many vedic brahmins attended the rudrAbhiSekam?"

"I had arranged for eleven vedic pandits, Periyavaa!"

SwamigaL persisted, "Did you know who were the vaidikaLs and which place they belonged to? Was it only you who made all arrangements?"

The devotees who were witnessing the scene were surprised at the detailed inquiry Periyavaa was making. They also understood that he wouldn't do anything without a reason. The landowner took a piece of paper that he had tucked in his waist.

"I am reading out, Periyavaa. Tiruvidaimarudur Venkatrama SastrigaL, Seenuvasa Ganapadigal, Rajagopala ShrautigaL, Marutthuvakkudi Santhana Vaadyhar, Sundaa SastrigaL, Subramanya SastrigaL, Tirumangalakkudi Venkittu Vaadhyar, and then--"

AchargaL interruped him and asked easily, "All experts only, who you have arranged. Alright, check if your list has the name Thepperumaanallur Venkatesa GanapadigaL."

Seething with happiness, the landowner replied, "It is there, Periyavaa! He also attended the japam", showing surprise in his voice.

Though the devotees were taken by surprise at such detailed inquiry about an abhiSekam that was over, no one said anything. Everyone was silent and attentive.

SwamigaL said, "Besh, besh! So you had engaged Venkatesa GanapadigaL also for the japam! A very good thing. Maha Veda vid! GanagadigaL is now very aged. Even difficult for him to raise his voice. He would feel it hard to control his breathing and intone the japam."

As if he waited for this remark, the landowner replied, his tone raising, "Yes, Periyavaa! What you have said is very correct. He did not chant the rudram well. Sometimes he was siting silent with closed eyes. Often he yawned. All these resulted in the shrinkage of the counting of the japam numbers. He gave much trouble yesterday. I regretted having engaged him for the japam."

SwamigaL swelled with indignation. "What you said... What did you say? So you have the temerity to talk anything because you have the money? What do you know about the yogyatAMsam of Thepperumaanallur Venkatesa GanapadigaL? Would you match the dust of the feet of that veda vid? How can you talk such words about him? I have now understood what happened yesterday at the Mahalingaswami Sannidhi! You answer my question now! When the GanapadigaL was sitting quiet with closed eyes at the time of the japam yesterday, did you not shout harshly at him, 'EngaaNum, are you not getting the money, you are sitting still with a shut mouth without doing thejapam?' Tell me, did you shout these words to him or not?" The landowner was appalled. The crowd was amazed.

Narayanaswami Iyer fell at SwamigaL's feet, his eight limbs touching the ground. SwamigaL did not say anything. The landowner got up himself. He closed his mouth and replied shivering, "My mistake, Periyavaa! It is true that I used the very same words you spoke know to the GanapadigaL in the Swami Sannidhi yesterday. Periyavaa should kindly pardon me."

Periyavaa did not stop. "Wait, wait. Did you do that mistake only? You did honour the vaidikaLs with money, right? How much did you give each vaidikaL?"

The landowner gulped and said weakly, "I paid ten rupees for each head, Periyavaa."

SwamigaL did not leave him with that. "Tell me correctly! I know everything! Did you pay all the vaidikaLs equally with ten-ten rupees each?"

The landowner stood silently. But the AcharyaL did not relent. "Listen, I shall tell you what you did yesterday. Perhaps you feel shy to talk it out. You seated the vaidikaLs in a row at the Sannidhi and was giving thesambhAvanA of ten rupees to each of them. When the turn of Thepperumaanallur Venkatesa GanapadigaL came, you decided, 'This man did not chant the rudram properly. Why should I give him ten rupees as I did for the others?' and gave him just seven rupees. You had the thought that somehow you had taken revenge on him. Did he care anything about it all? He just accepted what you gave him and tied it to the edge of his vastram." AcharyaL asked him hotly, "Tell me, is not what I am saying correct?"

The devotees were stunned. No one did say anything. They wondered how PeriyavaL came to know what took place in Tiruvidaimarudur temple yesterday.

The landowner prostrated to the sage and said, "A gross mistake, Periyavaa! It was out of ignorance that I behaved like that! I won't behave in such a fashion henceforth! Kindly parden me!"

Before he finished, PeriyavaaL continued, "Wait, wait! It would have been less worse had it ended there." He asked, "For the japa brahmins, you arranged for the meals at the house of Ramachandra Iyer of Mahadhana street, right?"

"Yes, Periyavaa!"

"You served sumptuous meals, of course, with a feeling of immense happiness. You had arranged for cooking very tasty sweet pongal, with lots of cashew nuts and raisins added to it, and you served it with your own hands, with ghee dripping from it in the meals session, right?"

Narayanaswami Iyer was more and more appalled. He closed his mouth and spoke with uncertainty, "Yes, Periyavaa! In the session I served only the sweet pongal with my own hands."

"Alright, does your conscience admit that you did it with the dharma for serving a meal?" SwamigaL asked him sternly.

The landowner did not open his mouth. AcharyaL said himself, "You need not tell me, I shall tell you! When you served the sweet pongal, since it was very tasty, the vaidikaLs asked for repeated helpings. And you obliged them. But when Thepperumaanallur Venkatesa GanapadigaL, giving up his reticence asked you many times, 'Serve me more of the sweet pongal, it is very tasty...' did you not carry on without serving him more, though you heard him? How many times did he ask you, giving up his normal reticence! And you did not serve him more! You committed the sin of partiality in a meals session! Was it dharma? You insulted a great sadhu!" SwamigaL fell into silence, overwhelmed with distress.

The landowner stood with bowed head. The devotees were amazed and speechless. Closing his eyes and folding both his legs behind him, AcharyaL sat upright. His divine frame looked like the Lord Parameswara Himself. He sat motionless.

Fifteen minutes passed by in complete silence. Then AcharyaL opened his eyes. Everyone was silent. AcharyaL continued his talk, looking at Narayanaswami Iyer: "MirasudarvaL! You should know one thing. GanapadigaL is eighty-one years of age now. He had done rudra japam in countless kSetras since his sixteenth year. Sri Rudram is always coursing his veins and nerves and breath. He is such a mahAn. The way you behaved to him is an act of great sin... an act of great sin!" PeriyavaL stopped, unable to continue further, and closed his eyes.

He resumed again after sometime: "Your act of partiality in the meals session affected him deeply. You know what he did? I shall tell you, listen. He did not go back to his native place Thepperumaanallur yesterday evening. Instead, he went to Mahalingaswami temple. He did pradakSiNa of the outer courtyard three times. Went straight to Mahalingaswami and stood before Him. You know what he prayed for, joinng his palms?" PeriyavaL couldn't continue. He steadied himself and then resumed his talk.

"With tears streaming down his eyes, he spoke to the God, 'Appa, Jyoti Mahalingam! I am your steadfast devotee. Since my early days I have recited mahAnyasa rudra japam countless times in your sannidhi. You have listened to it. I am now eighty-one years old. I have the mental strengh, but that strength is gone in my speech! It can't be that you wouldn't know what happened this afternoon when we were dining. I asked that landowner many times, leaving my shyness aside, for more of that pongal, since it was very very tasty. Though he heard me, the landowner moved away as if he did not hear my request. You know that I have an immense fondness for sweetpongal. Though I asked him out of temptation, I was grieved that he did not serve me more.

'But then only after I had finished my meals, washed my hands and sat on the thinnai it occurred to me whether I could have such a jihvA sabalam at this age. Which is the reason I am now standing before you, Appa Mahalingam! With you as the mediator, I take a vow from this moment. Everyone gives up some favourite edible when they go to Kasi. It is only You who is in Kasi, as well as here. Therefore I take a vow before you that I will not touch the sweet pongal or any other sweet dish from now on until my soul goes out of the body! This is a promise Mahalingam.' With that vairAgya pramANam he said, 'Appa Jyoti Mahalingam! I take leave of you now," and didshASTaaN^ga namaskaram twelve times. Tears were flowing down GanapadigaL's eyes, as he left for his place. Now, you tell me... What you did was dharma? Will Mahalingaswami agree to it?"

Periyavaa stopped. It was then three o' clock in the afternoon. "I don't want any bhikSA today", said SwamigaL. No one moved from there. Not even for their lunch. Total silence prevailed. Tears were seen in everyone's eyes. The landowner Narayanaswami Iyer stood transfixed. He could not raise his tongue to speak. Everyone's wonder was, 'How does Periyavaa narrate everything that happened yesterday at Tiruvidaimarudur as if he witnessed them personally?'

Falling down to Periyavaa's feet, the landowner started sobbing vehemently. His tongue slurred as he said, "Periyavaa! What I did was a great sin! I did it out of vanity. Kindly pardon me. Never again shall I behave this way in my life. You should say 'I have pardoned you'!" The landowner patted his cheeks loudly.

AcharyaL did not open his mouth. The landowner was persistent. "I pray to you, Periyavaa! You should accept this Mahalingaswami rudrAbhiSeka prasAdam. Kindly pardon me!" He pointed his hands towards the prasAdamplate.

AcharyaL said, "Let it be, let it be there. That Mahalingaswami Himself will give me the prasAda anugraham."

Before he finishd his words, a voice was heard outside the crowd: "Make way, make way!" Everyone moved to make way.

Only a tuft of hair knotted at the end on the head. A bright five-folded dhoti on the waist, with a silky green cloth covering it. A large rudraksha garland on the neck. A noble man who could be around sixty-five years old, arrived near PeriyavaL, carrying piously a brass plate on which was the prasAdam preserved in a silk cloth. He submitted the prasAdam plate reverentially to AcharyaL and said, "My name is Mahalingam. I am the arcakA of Tiruvidaimarudur Mahalingaswami temple. Yesterday a rudrAbhiSekam was performed for Swami. A landowner conducted it. My eleder sister is given in marriage to this place. I came to submit the prasAdam to AcharyaL and then look her up. Periyavaa should do me the anugraham." SwamigaL prevented him as he proceeded to prostrate.

Saying "You people have been given shiva dIkSA, you shouldn't do namaskaram to me", AcharyaL accepted theprasAdams brought and asked the Shivacharya to be given the MaTham's honours in return. Meantime, the SivacharyaL saw the landowner who was standing at some distance. "Periyavaa, it is this man who had conducted the rudrAbhiSekam there yesterday. He has come himself come here!" With these words, Mahalingam Shivacharya left the place, taking leave of the sage.

The landowner Narayanaswami Iyer again prostrated AcharyaL and patted his cheeks loudly. He pleaded, "Again and again I pray to you, Periyavaa. It is a great sinful act I have committed. Only you should tell me the remedy for this act."

SwamigaL got up briskly. "I cannot tell you the remedy for this. Only Thepperumaanallur Venkatesa GanapadigaL can tell you the remedy."

"Will the GanapadigaL tell me the remedy for the deed of this paavi, Periyavaa?", the landowner asked with grief.

SwamigaL said in a slightly raised voice, "If you have the prAptam, he will certainly tell you!" and hurried inside. He did not come out at all.

The landowner waited for a few hours. And then, having come to a decision, he left the place and arrived at Chingleput boarding a bus. He caught a train and arrived at Tiruvidaimarudur on the next morning. He finished his bath in the Kaveri river there and with firmness of heart started walking towards Thepperumaanallur. He walked briskly with the resolution that he would somehow meet Venkatesa GanapadigaL, fall shASTaaN^gam at his feet, ask for his pardon, perform the remedy he would suggest and obtain paapa vimocanam.

The landowner entered the Thepperumaanallur agrahAram. He inquired the first man he came across, the address of the GanapadigaL. The man pointed to a house on the street before which was a crowd of people and said, "You have come to offer your condolences? That is the home of Venkatesa GanapadigaL. Early this morning, he suddenly passed away. A painless, peaceful death. Go and have a look."

Narayanaswami Iyer was stunned. He felt as if someone had hit him on the head. The firm words of AcharyaL at the MaTham yesterday seemed to ring in his ears. If you have the prAptam, he will certainly tell you!" He now understood that PeriyavaaL known yesterday itself that the landowner would not have the prAptam.

The landowner went to GanapadigaL's house, offered his condolences, and prostrated to the gross body of the GanapadigaL, seeking his pardon mentally. Then he moved away from the place.

Later, the landowner met with different kinds of adversities and happened to lose all his wealth. He went North and did service at the temple kitchens, finally arrived at Kasi kSetra and attained his mukti there.

"Vasishta Guha - A Heaven on Earth" by Swami Shantananda Puri

(Photograph of Lingam inside Vasistha Guha which has streaks of light emanating from the Lingam though the light patterns are not visible to the eye)

If there is a heaven on earth, it is certainly Vasishta Guha. Guha means a cave. This Vasishta Guha Ashram (referred to as the 'The Guha' in the subsequent paras) is situated at 22 kms. from Rishikesh on the famous Bus route to Badrinath/Kedarnath (6 kms. from Shiv Puri where there are a lot of rafting institutions, and 10kms before reaching Byasi). In the Himalayas, the names of many of the caves are linked with some renowned sage or other of yore e.g. Vyasa Guha, Uddalaka Guha.

Vasishta is one of the Saptarshis (7 sages) and one of the first creations of Lord Brahma (the creator) out of his will power. He was the chief priest (Kula Guru) of the line of kings claiming their descendence from the Sun God (Surya Vansa), the most famous in that line being king Sri Ram (RAMA CHANDRA) - an incarnation of Lord Vishnu. Vasishta's one hundred sons were. killed due to the machinations of his competitor Sage Viswamitra through the application of black magic rituals. Though a highly evolved soul well established in the supreme consciousness (Brahman), the tragedy of the death of all his hundred sons was too deep a blow to be borne with equanimity. Vasishta, in frustation decided to end his life by jumping into a river. The River goddess did not want to incur the heinous sin of being the cause of the death of such a holy sage and so just carried him safely unharmed and deposited him on the other bank where Arundhati, the wife of Vasishta, was already waiting for her husband. As Arundhati thought that if they continued to stay in that environment, the memories of their dead children would haunt them, suggested going on a pilgrimage to the southern part of India. En route, presumably, this Vasishta Guha was one of the places where he camped for performance of austerities (Tapas) for a few hundred years (Vasishta was a sage who remained as the chief priest for more than five generations of kings each of whom ruled for several thousands of years). The Guha is situated on the banks of the holy river Ganga about 120 feet below from the main road and it is barely a five minutes walk to Arundhati Guha, access to which is by walking over the Ganga's sand beach.

Similar Vasishta Ashrams exist in various places (i.e. B.R. HILLS in Karnataka, in SRI LANKA etc.) Who knows how many saints, sages and Siddhas have lived in this cave and added to its glory, holiness and spiritual vibrations! Behind the Siva linga at the far end of the cave can be seen a slightly vertically inclined opening into the cave. If you put your hand in it, you will find inside it is closed. It seems the cave used to extend inside for another 20 kms or so till a place called Ghanta Karna Mandir up in the Himalayas. A few years back this passage was closed. It is believed that a number of Himalayan adepts (SIDDHAS) have been doing austerities in their subtle body (not visible to naked eyes of common people) inside the back of the cave for thousands of years.

Besides, our Gurudev Swami Purushottamanandji Maharaj also had done his austerities here since 1928. He was a grand disciple of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa and disciple of Swami Brahmananda. Many visitors, not only Indians but foreigners too, who used to sit inside the cave in meditation in reCent times, claimed to have had varied psychic experiences.

In April 1996, a letter was received in this Ashram from H. H. Swami Dayananda Saraswatiji of international fame, enclosing two copies of a photograph of the cave taken at his behest during his recent visit thereto. It seems that when the photograph of the far end platform containing Siva Linga was taken and got developed it was found that there were two rays of light emanating from the top/side of the Siva Linga and going over the side walls and ceiling till it disappeared into the earth halfway from the cave entrance. It could have represented the ultimate merging of one or more of the unseen Siddhas into the Supreme being. When Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi left his mortal body at Tiruvannamalai, at that very moment many were able to see in different cities a bright star-like flame coursing through the sky and this was reported in some newspapers too. Many have expressed that when once they sit inside the Guha for

meditation, their level of consciousness immediately rises up to such a high level which they were able to reach only occasionally and that too after years of spiritual practice.

Two other incidents which have been included in a book "Fragrant Flowers" are reproduced below to illustrate the glory of the Guha :-

(i) Some time in 1994 or so, a young Dutch woman visited the Guha on a day when I (Swami Shantananda) happened to be there. It was her first visit. She was sitting in meditation inside the cave till lunch time. During lunch she suddenly addressed me and asked "I find that your

Gurudev had left his body in Feb. 1961. Since then, have you met him again at any time?". The question sounded strange and I answered in the negative. After finishing her lunch she followed me to my room and narrated the following unique experience of hers in the Guha :-

"After about two hours of meditation, when I suddenly opened my eyes, I saw a Swamiji with a laughing face standing before me. He was identical with the photograph kept outside the cave in the dais. The only difference was that unlike in the picture he had a long stick in his hand. A thought come to my mind that the vision was some sort of an illusion. The Swamiji smilingly told me 'you are wrong, my dear child. I am as real as you are. I am not an illusion." I was astonished that he could divine my thoughts accurately. He asked me "Aye, what do you want?" I replied 'Swamiji, I want Gyan (True Knowledge)!' He laughed in a wild manner and disappeared.

I believed her because in her narration she has mentioned certain typical characteristics of my Gurudev as follows :-

1. My Gurudev often sported a long stick even though in the picture on the dais it was not there.

2. His typical question to many visitors or disciples was :- "Aye, what do you want?"

3. He always used to be laughing like a child.

(ii) In 1980, when I (Swami Shantananda) had gone to Vasishta Guha to attend my Guru Dev's birthday as also to do Srimad Bhagavata Saptaham, one Mrs P. had also come to the Guha. On the first day of Bhagavata reading in the morning, Mrs P. did not attend the recitation partly perhaps she had no taste for it and could not also understand the sanskrit text. She went and sat inside the cave for meditation. After a while, when she opened her eyes, she saw our Gurudev standing before her with a smile. She would not believe her own eyes. He told her "yes, I am really standing before you but you will not believe. Today one old ex-armyman with a beard will be visiting Guha for the first time but he will refuse to have lunch here in the Ashram and will go back. When this happens, you will believe in this vision. Tomorrow I shall initiate you with a mantra." Mrs P. never disclosed this to anybody. In the evening when I saw her face full of misery, I asked her for the reason. Then she narrated the incident and told me 'Today I have not

seen any such old ex-army man visiting this Guha. Perhaps it was all my imagination." Then I exclaimed "No, it is true. Today one old ex- Army man came and the Swami-in-charge of the ashram took him to the library and was showing him the book "YOGA VASISHTA" in three

volumes. When Swamiji pressed him to stay for lunch, he excused himself and left." Mrs P. was elated at this news. Next morning when she went inside the Guha and sat for meditation, Gurudev again appeared. She was desperately praying in her heart. "I want only a mantra on 'Ram' and not on any other God" Gurudev smiled and said "yes, I shall give you only Ram Mantra. Do not worry. Do you know any hymn on Ram for meditation purposes (Dhyana Sloka); If so, recite it." She recited a hymn. Gurudev gave her a Mantra, bade her go and attend Bhagavatam reading which was going on outside and disappeared. I was the only one to whom Mrs. P confided the full details of her initiation.

Our Gurudev, Swami Purushottamanandji Maharaj left the Ramakrishana Mission and went wandering round the Himalayas in early 1920s, During his wanderings by foot he came across this Guha in 1928. The cave was surrounded by tall trees and it was all a jungle. He lived inside the Guha -doing his meditation/ austerities for more than 25 years till a room was built for him near the Guha. In my assessment, he was a realised soul. It is told that in his earliest years in the Guha, a lion used to come from the other side of the Ganga daily in the dusk and sleep near the nearest end of the Guha while our Gurudev used to sleep at the farthest end of the Guha, where a circular memorial has since been built. After about a year of keeping the nightly companionship with my Gurudev, the lion went away, never to return.

Swami Purushottamanandji went into Maha Samadhi (by leaving the body) on 13 February 1961 on the SHIVARATHRI day. His vibrations are still being felt in the entire area surrounding the Guha by his devotees. The Guha is now being run by Sri Chaitanyanandji, a simple but eminent disciple of Gurudev and the managing trustee. The Trust is also running

an outpatient department in an allopathic Hospital built by the Trust with 16 beds in the Goolar village about a kilometer off. Dry cooking rations are also provided to all the pilgrims going to/returning from Badrinath/Kedarnath etc. This Vasishta Guha is a very valuable spiritual

institution adding to the splendour of Uttaranchal state. Even today, some times at midnight, some people claim to have heard the loud chanting of scriptures like Rudri as also the sounds of Damru, Mridanga and other instuments, coming from the mountain top above the Guha.

One of the popular messages of Gurudev is as follows:-

What are we seeking! Bliss. What we are searching for is within us. Within is a huge roaring ocean of divine and infinite bliss, a single drop of which can completely destroy all our woes forever and transport us to a high state of ecstasy. But foolishly we look for this outside. To imagine that wife, children, wealth, name, fame etc. can bring us happiness is a mere illusion. Our state is like that of a deer which contains the musk in its own navel but in its ignorance seeks this divine scent in its surroundings in trees, creepers, grass etc. The teachings of our great sages alone can therefore give us pure unalloyed and eternal bliss.

Source:Introduction to Vasishta Guha by Swami Sri Shantananda Puri

Reward for a devotee's prayers

Ma Anandamayi was an internationally famous saint of the highest order. Once she went to a city where some rich man had lent his big spacious bungalow in the outskirts of the city for the mother to stay as long as she liked. The mother was accompanied by a number of Sannyasis (her disciples) and Brahmacharinis (female celebates). On the fourth day of arrival, Ma called a Sannyasi disciple early in the morning and told him “For the last three days, in my morning meditation I have been seeing the vision of a young lady of fair complexion (aged about 32 years or so) with bobbed hair and of medium build. She lives somewhere within 20 kms radius from this place but it could be in any direction. I find her in my vision daily going to the third floor of her house at 3 a.m. in the morning, standing before a well-lit wick embedded in a circular plastic ring floating in a transparent jar of oil and mumbling some inaudible prayers for full three hours and then returning to her domestic chores. She has been doing this regularly for the last fifteen years. God has commanded me to take her in my hands and shape her. You have to go out just now, find her out and bring her to me. The only other clue I can give you is that

she drives a small car of blood-red colour. Go and may God be with you.”

The Sannyasi started on this unique errand even though it looked more like a wild goose chase. Till 12 in the noon he was walking looking at the occupants of every blood-red coloured car on the way. He became tired. He stood where he was and prayed to Ma – “Ma, I am sorry, I have not been successful in my errand. Please advise me what to do now.” Pat came a response in his heart – “Come back here by the same way by which you went. But at every step, repeat “Bhagawan”, “Bhagawan”. Lord will do the rest. The monk followed Ma’s advice and was returning. After walking back for half an hour, he was approaching a small nursery school from which a number of small children were coming out. Just at that moment he saw a blood-red car driven by a young lady coming out of the school gate and going ahead in the direction away from him. He ran into the school and asked some of the lady teachers who were standing as to who that lady was, who had just left the school in a red car. They told him that it was Mrs. C, a Parsi lady who was a teacher in that school. They even came out and pointed out her house which was a little ahead at the end of the same street. The monk walked up to that house. As the door opened on his touching it, he went straight inside without even knocking or ringing the bell (In the earlier days most of the monks were simple souls who did not know anything about the etiquettes of social life). The lady was sitting engrossed in the reading of a newspaper and did not notice the arrival of the newcomer.

Without any preliminaries, the monk addressed her – “Madam, my Guru Dev and a saint of great repute, Ma Anandamayi who is camping in this city desires to meet you. Will you please come along with me?” Mrs. C was righteously indignant and asked him “Who are you and how dare you come inside without knocking even. I know that you thieves just enter into big houses under some pretext with evil intentions at a time when the male members are likely to have gone out.” She began to ring up the police. The monk fell at her feet and began to tell her how Ma had seen her in a vision, going up to the third floor and praying before a light for three hours daily for the last fifteen years. Mrs. C abandoned the telephone as she was impressed by

the sincerity and accuracy behind the monk’s narration. Except for her husband nobody knew about her daily prayers on the third floor. She asked him for some more details about Ma

whose name she had never heard earlier. She kept a note for her husband who had gone to his office asking him to come to Ma’s place in the evening in case she was delayed and went along

with the monk in her car. When they entered she saw Ma and her companions sitting on a platform and singing Bhajans (musical compositions on God) while a huge audience was sitting in her front facing her. She found herself on the backside of the platform, facing the back of Ma, where a number of Brahmacharinis of the Ashram were sitting. The inmates of the Ashram forbade her from going to the front and informed her that Ma’s Bhajan programme would last for one or two hours more. Mrs. C was vexed at the thought of waiting for an hour or so longer and was thinking of leaving for home immediately. At that moment Ma stopped her own singing, ordered her companions to carry on the singing, got down from the platform, came straight to Mrs.

C who was still standing undecided and hugged her. She took Mrs. C to her own room and conversed with her with all love. In answer to her inquiry Mrs. C told Ma that she was very happy with her life and that she used to pray to the Fire God to keep her in the same state of happiness forever. In her childhood and youth she was brought up by the Parsi priests and so she used to worship only the Fire God. Mrs. C was completely won over by the explicit and boundless love and kindness of Ma, which transcended the barriers of religion and caste. That day, both Mrs. C and her husband were initiated into meditation and they remained to be fervent admirers and followers of Ma. If only one performs some worship or prayer or chanting

of a name or japa or other spiritual practices (anushthan) regularly without fail for a few years, the Lord Himself provides a good guide in order to speed him in his quest.

Source: Stories for Meditation by Swami Sri Shantananda Puri of Vasistha Guha

T.R.Kannakammal

A blessed soul was absorbed in the Master in the same manner she had lived her eighty-eight years: totally surrendered and prostrate at His feet.

T.R.Kanakammal was perhaps the last living devotee who left all worldly attractions behind to reside in the holy presence of Sri Bhagavan before his mahasamadhi in 1950. She first remembered seeing His beatific smile on a visit to him when she was eight. From that time onwards she was completely captured in the net of His grace. At the age of 13 she declared to her parents that she would never have any interest in family life and pleaded with them not to get her married. Her pleading failed and she was married the same year, but before the event she extracted a promise from her father that if at the time she came of age and was expected to join her husband, he would not force her to do so if she wished otherwise. And she had the same vairagya a few years later when the time arrived.

Her parents were very pious people and eventually allowed her to go and live by the side of Sri Ramanasramam in the year 1946 when she was in her early 20s. Since then Tiruvannamalai has been her residence and Bhagavan Ramana her sole anchor and support.

On Jayanti morning, January 1, 2010, Kanakammal circumambulated the Matribhuteswara Shrine and then entered Bhagavan's Samadhi Hall. Walking around the Samadhi she stopped on the north side to gaze at the Lingam of the Maharshi, while it was washed in preparation for the grand puja that was about to take place, commemorating the 130th birth anniversary of Sri Ramana. Right at that place she collapsed and was absorbed into her Master and Lord. How fitting an end for one who knew no other in her long life than Bhagavan Sri Ramana.

Kanakammal was an inestimable source of inspiration to the legions of devotees who sought her presence. She left us her reminiscences (Cherished Memories, in English) and several other books which shed light on the teachings of Bhagavan.

What follows are some transcribed reminiscences from a videotaped interview taken in 1999.

Source - Maharishi Newsletter Jan / Feb 2010 Vol.20 No.1